The job interview was scheduled at 4PM on a recent Friday. This alone was discouraging, since odds are that all parties would be at less than peak, both readying to switch to weekend mode within a few hours. Whatever. Chins up.
The job description is something I cannot detail here, but it is for a company that you would know by name. And it is located at a nearby corporate campus with three low-rise towers and some large outlying warehouse size structures. I am twenty minutes early mostly because it is so close to the house... a mere ten minute drive on local roads. If I got the job, the commute to work would be cake. Effortless.
Security calls upstairs to tell them I am here. Someone will come and get me at 4, I am told. The guy at security recommends the Tim Horton's one floor down... off to sip a small coffee and gag on a doughnut which must have been made last April. I note that while the commute would be blissful, the meal choices here would be similar to those offered on a submarine two miles beneath the Arctic circle.
My recruiter advised that dress was 'corporate casual' at this location. More like the morning after a rowdy drunken frat party if you asked me. Skanky fleece and rank denim paraded past me in a steady rush of traffic out the front door.
Of course some of this might have also been because it was a late Friday afternoon in December, but almost everybody I saw seemed to have had grabbed whatever clothes were falling out of the closet, put it on in the morning darkness and then took a nap in it from noon until three.
When I came back from my coffee and woolly doughnut fossil experience to the lobby the entire staff had changed. The new security guard asked me if I was expected. The clock above him read 3:56. I said yes, thank you.
At 4:05 my time I asked him to call upstairs again. The voice at the other end of the call became raised. He muttered something and hung up.
"She said she told you she would be down at 4 and it is still six minutes before 4 now."
He looked at me and sighed. The clock above his head clicked forward to 4:08. He apologized for not being able to see her clock.
A few minutes later my escort appeared... showing somebody else out as she came to meet me... low rise faded jeans and weary with cynicism. Body language was full get-me-out-of-here Friday with a twist of cattle call interview greeter. My spirit was not going to be trashed at this point, and I made cheerful small talk a success. It wasn't to matter that much.
We go upstairs. Turn a corner. Interior office, and horrifying small. There are no windows and only a small table at the front corner across from the door beckons me. At which sits... oh no. Holy shit. Dead ringer. Can he get this all the time?
His real name is R. but I will forever know him as Smithers from the Simpsons. That's the guy who works for Mr. Burns. Even the glasses were perfect. They matched the pursed lips with a complete synergy that only another Malibu Stacy aficionado could appreciate fully.
The boss is dressed in what can be described as "don't care that much". I now focus my attention on the interview. I did some research. Who is his competition? What are the competitive offerings? What about that software alliance press release from a year ago? What about latency on the network? Is the middle ware proven or just a deal that hasn't produced any marketable applications?
At certain points of the conversation he is obviously intrigued by my questions. Smithers interrupts our skeleton of a conversation at this point with a question.
"How do you get from the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy to Telecomm?," he asks.
Hey asshole. You are looking at two printed pages that might explain that a little...
Then the boss throws the ball. After a brief conversation about a previous job...
"Have you developed applications in our type of environment?"
I answered honestly. Then I didn't care. If that was the litmus test, he wouldn't listen to anything discussed after.
But I wasn't done. I had spent at least six hours investigating his business online. I was prepared. So when he did the perfunctory asking if I had any questions for him I responded with vigor. Smithers stopped making notes at the same time.
What about your choice of middle-ware described in this press release a year ago?
Do you think the issues of latency with your network infrastructure will be a defining factor in application development?
Why does the competition have a de-facto monopoly on these service offerings?
I spoke about these issues conversationally, not combatively. His eyes bulged in challenge and conversation. I am sure I made an impact.
Smithers showed me out. We were both sublimely businesslike throughout. And while I really do want the job... I know now that I don't need it. The furtive glances from the cubicles I saw revealed almost only cogs in the wheel, mostly worried about getting out of the pen for the day.
You have to be careful what you wish for, because it might just happen, even if it is the worst scenario.
And have I heard from my recruiter yet?