Headvoice

Headvoice Reruns - Take Twos #3

Both Mark and I said goodbye at the same time; from November of 2002
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So I am driving home after yet another crazy day at the office and I am thinking about my grandmother's death this morning... and the millions of changes that occur in your mind after one of these most simple changes has occurred. The memories of what she did and meant to me... and an image popped into my head. There is a black and white picture of my grandparents on a shelf above our TV. It is a candid shot, but they are dressed up... a window onto that special day in their long life together.

I knew what to do... scan it. Crop the shot and write about her on my web journal. I would euligize her in my world... on my terms... from my home.

Mark had called during the morning of meetings and left a message that he was going to put something up on his site about my grandmother. So when I got home I checked the site... and saw this. The tears started flowing very shortly thereafter.

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from www.thatmark.com
November 21, 2002
Time For Mercy

And so this is how it goes.

It's Stephen, on the phone, in tears, "My Grandmother died this morning."

We had just been talking about her earlier. I watched the Today Show and there is this segment that always features people who are over one hundred years of age and still going strong.

I'll kill myself if I live to be one hundred years old! I said.

We briefly talked about Stephen's Grandmother.

She had been extremely frail and in ill health for such a long time now. It was her birthday yesterday. Stephen's Mom and Dad had organized a little party for her. This morning she is gone. We don't have any details yet, but I suspect that the thread to life just got too thin. Right now all I can say is that I wish her speed, and light, and finally freedom on her magnificent journey home. The heavens keep expanding as yet another loved one leaves us here to ponder the absurdity of it all.

Have mercy on this day.

And so a new day begins.

Posted by thatmark at 09:51 AM
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It was the same picture... in the exact same crop that I saw in my mind. Maybe this is what happens when someone truly loves you... they become your shared presence, a second soul.

I am a lucky man when you consider that I had living grandparents in my 40s... and even luckier that I shared them with friends and lovers. Both were plucky individuals, each independent in so many ways. My grandfather died hours after his 99th birthday. They took loving care of me when my parents were busy running their businesses and I can only hope to honor their lives by loving others as much as they did me.

Good bye Evelyn, my Grandma... you helped me become myself and I will honor your life.

Dear Senator Obama

No matter what happens from this moment forward, I wanted to let you know via this quick note that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for scaring the bejesus out of some of my extended family.

They have had it coming for a long time.

All the best,

Stephen

Saturday with Icicles

Headvoice Reruns - Take Twos #2

A real revelation... from July of 2005
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My parents came up to Toronto for a visit a couple of weeks ago. They brought two large boxes that contained books and various things from my last apartment in Boston. For 15 years or so these boxes sat in the back of my parents garage collecting dust; and when my Dad brought the subject up on the phone, I almost told him just to toss them.

What could they possibly contain other than ancient, musty books that I would never want to read again?

We dragged them through the front door when my parents arrived, but it was more than a week after that when Mark and I finally managed to sort through the contents. At first it was just as I expected... a smattering of old and odd reference and textbooks.

But as we started to rifle through them, things started to fall out from between pages and covers.

First it was three photos of me from high school, one posted here, followed by love letters and baby pictures of me, my girlfriend from the time...

Further down in one box were menus from my pastry chef days in Boston. After that was a now dead lover's journal from the late 70's, describing the start of our relationship in wrenching detail.

And at the very bottom of one box lay some hotel pans from catering gigs... and, somewhat mysteriously, a badly tarnished silver sommelier's tasting cup. I had forgotten most of these things even existed in my life... but soon the memories began to flood back, especially when reading the furtive love letters from so long ago.

And I remember this shirt... however unremarkable that might seem. It was the 70's for crying out loud! I wore it for years.

It was quite bittersweet to revisit all these tickets to the past.

What can we learn from this?

Don't throw out your boyhood with the boxed dishwater... that's what.

Headvoice Reruns - Take Twos #1

My favorite post about Luigi... from February 24th, 2006
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Today this image of Luigi as a puppy is the sixth highest hit on a Google images search for West Highland Terriers. I am sleeping with the Shirley Temple of little white dogs.

Can it be attributed to the fact I titled the original posting with the word terrorist? The world can't be that dark. Please no.

As somewhat of a test I am reposting my favorite shots of him to see how search engines react. Some people go out to dinner on Friday nights...but nooooo.

Here is Luigi from the headvoice archives.

What's a nice miroton doing in a place like this?

So last night was Valentines, which is a dreaded evening for most restaurateurs. Imagine a dining room full of couples looking for that perfect romantic evening and your four tops and six tops sit there unused. And god forbid if you don't have enough Champagne in stock; especially the cheap shit.

Having cooked for a living for some years I know it isn't the best night to go out to eat. Quite uncharacteristically we had a fair amount of left over prime rib in the fridge from Sunday night, so the settings were perfect to recreate a favorite dish; a miroton.

But I didn't use the recipe I just linked to; not this he-man ex-chef. I have my own take on this, since I've made it quite a few times over the years, mostly at my parents place after a big holiday or birthday dinner.

So last night, after a litchi martini and a shared bowl of popcorn with Luigi I headed into the kitchen around 7pm. Dinner was just before 9 and the kitchen needed a haz-mat team when I was done cooking. What a mess.

But it was good. Really good.

To summarize, since I measure nothing like most decent cooks.

- Slice the leftover beef roast into slices. Trim off fat and gristle. [Hint: chill the meat in the freezer for 30 minutes before] Yield was about 5-6 cups. Preheat the over to 450F.

- Saute beef quickly to sear in oil/butter mix. Work in batches so that you caramelize and not stew. Remove beef to strainer set over a bowl.

- Slice 4 medium onoins thinly and saute in same pan until soft and beginning to brown. Scape up any fond in the pan and season with salt and pepper.

- Add a few tablespoons of flour to create a roux. Stir and cook for a few minutes to get rid of the raw flour taste. Add three tablespoons chopped capers, three chopped scallions, two tablespoons chopped dill pickle and two big ass spoons of dijon mustard.

- Stir in some dry white wine or vermouth and enough beef stock to make a slightly thickened sauce and simmer for a half hour or so stirring frequently. Adjust seasonings.

- Layer the sauce and the beef starting with a thin layer of sauce in the bottom of a gratin dish. The miroton shouldn't be too thick. Sprinkle a light layer of breadcrumbs on the top and dot with butter. Bake in the hot over for 20 minutes or so until bubbly and brown on top.

Serve with a green veg such as sauteed spinach with garlic or a salad and some crusty good bread.

Now that's a Valentine's dinner!

PS: It's official; this blog has jumped the shark. I am in re-runs and didn't even know. This version was better than last time. See here.

New Years Day

Alright, so it really is Valentine's day but I am declaring it a new year; at least for me.

As you can see I stopped posting when I started the new job last December. That's when I took down the ScreenVox site as well. After waiting for changes that didn't really happen for so long, fate blew down the shut doors all at once.

So now with a plate that is cleared I can get on here.

Now I am at a place where any facades or posing falls away. It is wonderful. I have nothing to apologize for. I have nothing to hide. There is no agenda now.

All I need is my heart and mind. My blessings are many; my family, Mark and Luigi and my friends and colleagues.

The worship and hoarding of material things ring so hollow to me now.

What is the worth of a lovingly cooked dinner with dear friends? It really is always more than that idiotic pink Prada wallet... no really. It is.

Happy New Year!