Headvoice

Goodbye Evelyn

So I am driving home after yet another crazy day at the office and I am thinking about my grandmother's death this morning... and the millions of changes that occur in your mind after one of these most simple changes has occured. The memories of what she did and meant to me... and an image popped into my head. There is a black and white picture of my grandparents on a shelf above our TV. It is a candid shot, but they are dressed up... a window onto that special day in their long life together.

I knew what to do... scan it. Crop the shot and write about her on my web journal. I would euligize her in my world... on my terms... from my home.

Mark had called during the morning of meetings and left a message that he was going to put something up on his site about my grandmother. So when I got home I checked the site... and saw this. The tears started flowing very shortly thereafter.

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from www.thatmark.com
November 21, 2002
Time For Mercy

And so this is how it goes.

It’s Stephen, on the phone, in tears, “My Grandmother died this morning.”

We had just been talking about her earlier. I watched the Today Show and there is this segment that always features people who are over one hundred years of age and still going strong.

“I’ll kill myself if I live to be one hundred years old!” I said.

We briefly talked about Stephen’s Grandmother.

She had been extremely frail and in ill health for such a long time now. It was her birthday yesterday. Stephen’s Mom and Dad had organized a little party for her. This morning she is gone. We don’t have any details yet, but I suspect that the thread to life just got too thin. Right now all I can say is that I wish her speed, and light, and finally freedom on her magnificent journey home. The heavens keep expanding as yet another loved one leaves us here to ponder the absurdity of it all.

Have mercy on this day.

And so a new day begins…

Posted by thatmark at 09:51 AM
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It was the same picture... in the exact same crop that I saw in my mind. Maybe this is what happens when someone truly loves you... they become your shared presence, a second soul.

I am a lucky man when you consider that I had living grandparents in my 40s... and even luckier that I shared them with friends and lovers. Both were plucky individuals, each independent in so many ways. My grandfather died hours after his 99th birthday. They took loving care of me when my parents were busy running their businesses and I can only hope to honor their lives by loving others as much as they did me.

Good bye Evelyn... you helped me become myself and I will honor your life.

To Do Listing

It might be just age, but I now need to start each workday composing a task list. Not long ago I could multi-task with the best of them; bouncing from client facing tasks to production meetings and interviewing designers. Now we have scribbles on a pad with little asterisks next to each item. As I do it I highlight the asterisk with a marker; when it is completed I highlight the item. It wouldn't be surprising to soon hear me frequently say, "Can I biggie-size that combo?"

Rapidly Approaching

Are you ready for the holiday season? Here we have a picture from a photo shoot in the basement from a year ago. We were dog sitting George, the springer spaniel, who just couldn't understand what this weird thing was we were clamping on his head. Willie on the other hand acted like this was his Vanity Fair cover spread, and posed for an exceedingly long time... he knew exactly what we were doing. But then again he reads Chaucer and listens to Beethoven string quartets when we leave him alone.

There are only 39 more shopping days until Christmas!

Soiree Needed

Here was a lovely evening from 1999. Me with attractive and personable French speaking Canadians. If only the food was as good as the company... but it was not to be found in this little culinary outpost of Toronto. Just two simple words are needed to accurately describe the cuisine in this maison: chicken and fingers.

There is a distinct lack of real honest parties in my life... and I don't mean the overly contrived ones like the bloody "team building/off-site" party, or the always dreary "going away/retirement" 5PM wine and cheese horror shows.

So this is my proposal for this years official corporate "holiday" parties from coast-to-coast: send a nice invitation, with this message. "Enclosed is two hundred and fifty extra bucks, stay at home and have a good night."

MTM

A surprise treat from Mark's mid-day impulse shopping was waiting when I got home from work tonight, The Mary Tyler Moore Show’s first season on DVD. Is this an embarrassing admission? Perhaps.

Cloris Leachman is a pisser. And Ed Asner is better than I remembered. The transfer to DVD is so deep and rich; colors and motion are vivid enough to summon a renewed appreciation of this classic series.

But there are actual characters! And they are honestly funny! Nobody is really mean spirited. Who knew television in the early 70’s could be so good? Geez, but is it really as good as Fear Factor, where weekly live bug eating has replaced a Chopin piano recital as culture.

We have a couple of hundred digital channels in our house… and if you removed the Food Network, the Sopranos and Six Feet Under I would have no honestly fulfilling television. I wish I appreciated 1970 more when I was living through it…

Evening Blues

I can't make sense of the news anymore. After watching the NBC evening news out of my beloved New York City for more than 20 years... it seems like a DVD episode of "Fawlty Towers" seems like a viable substitute. Stay tuned! Soon I will be found drooling into my incontinence pants in a day room at the "home."

Angry Boy is right... it isn't about anger per se, it is about using that energy as fuel to do the right thing; for you, your lovers, your career, your family or your freakin' pet rabbit.

For a number of reasons I now feel more alone than I have in a long time. It is scary, but more fuel. Blue fuel.

Good Morning!

Missing Friends

Isn't it sad how we lose touch with our friends... and family? I suppose it is the inevitable result of people physically moving around, having modern personal and professional lives. We go to school in one place, move to another for a job or to be with someone. Then we begin to start losing touch with each other...

So many people that I have worked with, or met otherwise over the years… that I wish would just arrive on my doorstep tonight for a glass of wine, something cooked by me for them and hours of “catching up” conversation. You know the type, the ones where hours can go by in the blink of an eye. The switching of subjects and the shared joy of shared memories come to light again…

Irene and I worked together in New York. It was the first big “corporate” job either one of us had ever had, and we learned and laughed together, working crazy hours and loving it. During one three month period we would be working late almost every night, and would change from suits and tie corporate drag into jeans at six. By midnight or sometimes even later we were so punchy that the simple editing of powerpoint files became like deciphering hieroglyphics. Then it was time for a festive round of warm diet coke belch-offs, where unexpectedly Irene would produce the loudest and most hilarious belch that was exactly opposite of her Ann Taylor and pearls Connecticut demeanor.

And there is Karl, my brilliant and gloriously naïve friend, whom I grew close to as fellow senior management at an ad agency, my next job chronologically. He was a self-taught programmer and developer who just happened to be gay and everybody’s best friend. He listened. We used to lunch together, sometimes at the base of the World Trade Towers after running up expense accounts in the bookstore, or frequently sharing the perfect meatball pizza in the Village. I miss him so, but can’t find him no matter how I try.

Do you know Mike? He moved to Australia! What about Maura? TK and James are still on Manhattan Island, and even a certain Brady had to move back from San Francisco. It wasn’t happening for him there. There are too many more. I am lonely for my old friends.

Swimming

Right now there isn't really a current to swim against or with... just keeping my head above water for the moment. And what is the weather doing? We have delicate snow flurries announcing winter's approach. Perfect...