Oh my, did my birthday rant bring out the passive aggressors. Just as well.
They say living in New York City is tough. What a load. Toronto is really tough; because there is a pervasive undercurrent of insecurity which curtails sharing visceral emotions and undermines the resulting connections. You can understand it if you are an empathetic American living here as an expatriate. After all, Canadians are raised in the shadow of the US---the culture, the business community, the sensibility. They are insecure because they are not citizens of their own culture. But it is disturbing to see the shallow nervousness expressed by people my age. Nobody has opinions to express---exposes too much vulnerability. Combine that with the overwhelming selfishness of the present and you have a deadly recipe.
So many thin skins. So much 'honesty'. Everybody is so full of self-loathing that they can "fire" lifelong friends casually. The chill in the air isn't just the winter weather, it is the stultifying lack of passion.
So a big ole' happy birthday to me.
I have a vicious summer head cold which has me sneezing like clockwork. I have no job. My savings are dwindling. I have filed for permanent residence in CA in February and it hasn't come through yet. Employment opportunities are crappy. It is really hot and humid with a pollution alert. The dogs are driving me crazy. Mark and I are snapping at each other. Not much interests me these days. The pool backwash hose is leaking violently when used. The bathroom floor is still dirty plywood. One bathroom shower drips loudly when turned off. There is dog hair everywhere despite daily vacuuming. The neighbors kids are hanging off the backyard fence and throwing green apples in the pool. We get at least three stupid marketing calls a day on the phone. I can not seem to lose the 10 pounds that I really want to. The old car that I drive has a slow leak in the rear passenger side that leaves the tire flat after every three days. There are ants and spiders all over the place. One of the computers hangs with a blue screen on shutdown. My grandmother fell in the night last wekend and is hospitalized right now. You can't get a decent Martini in Ontario. And, I just today got my 25th High School Reunion invitation in the mail.
Sigh.